Defying Social Expectations

Defying Social Expectations

By LM Preston

I was always a tomboy when I was younger. I loved being around boys because they were less emotional. Growing up with a ton of cousins that were rough and tumble taught me to speak up for myself.

Being a woman in a man’s world isn’t easy. It’s not for the faint at heart. Many girls walk into careers in science, military, manual labor only to run the heck out of there since it seems like it’s a losing battle.

We need to follow through in order to make headway, to get used to one another. To build a better product, environment, and innovations.

COMBAT FEELING AWKWARD

Diverse opinions and viewpoints build a better product that serves everyone. Having a workplace or business that is not diverse hurts innovation. Men and woman definitely have different points of view and it helps combat problems from many perspectives.

The main issue we women have working in male dominated environments is not fitting in with the masses. In these environments, you have to be comfortable in your differences and fight for your place by using your voice.

MEN CAN BE GREAT ALLYs WHEN YOU PROVE YOURSELF

Being consistent and standing out gains respect. Not only that, it makes speaking up and demanding your place in your working environment easier. Practice makes perfect.

THE GENTLE TOUCH

It’s a tricky place to be as a woman. You want to roar and say, “I am here.” Don’t do that. Be watchful of your environment. Assess the players. Then observe how others fit into the equation. After you have the lay of the land, get involved. Start speaking up during meetings. Everything you say, back it up with facts.

PUT YOUR EMOTIONS IN CHECK

One of the best part of being a woman is our ability to sense and sympathize. In a male dominated workplace, you can’t be to sensitive. You have to speak up for yourself and set boundaries. Also, you have to realize that men communicate in a more aggressive manner. However, they don’t usually hold grudges. Once they get it off their chest, they move on.

SET BOUNDARIES

Setting boundaries is the best way to handle confrontational males in the workplace. If you don’t tell a person they are doing something you don’t like, they won’t know. Don’t be to nurturing at work. Be careful of falling into a typical role as a woman. Being the coffee girl or the note-taking person can your ability to be on a level playing field challenging.

READ BODY LANGUAGE

Taking the time to understand and read body language can give you insight into your peers. It also allows you to position yourself, your body in a way that says, take me seriously and listen to me.

DON’T GIVE UP – GET BETTER

The more we women keep the road steady to progress upward into positions of influence, our male peers will get used to sharing the space. Taking the time to point out the benefits of a diverse workplace each step along the way. We can start to see and gain sponsors that understand the challenges of being a woman in a man’s world.

As a female engineer, I’ve seen a lot of progress over the years. It’s why I stay, it’s why I want to mentor other woman who desire a career in the science and tech industry. It’s why my daughters now work in a much more fulfilling and equalized environment than I did. We each represent one step closer to defying the odds.

EMBARRASSMENT – A LESSON, A STRENGTH BUILDING EXPERIENCE

By LM Preston, author of Building Your Empowered Steps and Homeschooling While Working To Shape Amazing Learners, www.empoweredsteps.com

Many of us fear embarrassment to the point of going to great lengths to avoid it. With the exception of comedians, making fun of our past mistakes, goof-ups or unpleasant experiences isn’t common. Instead, we typically try to forget those situations ever happened.

ONE OF MY EMBARRASING MOMENTS

The kids in my neighborhood would spend tons of time making up games. One we played was truth or dare. Usually, I wasn’t invited to play because I was the youngest kid in the neighborhood. However, this particular time, they allowed me to play seemed like the best day of my life. I was going to play with the big kids, and no longer follow behind them. That day, Miniworm had arrived, and she was on top of her little world.

The SET UP

The game went on as usual. Dares were made, secrets were told and the bottle spun. Finally, it was my turn. My moment, my acceptance, and then it came. The kid that had made the last spin, looked at me with a sneaky grin, and I knew immediately that I was doomed.

THE DARE

“I dare you to eat this beetle!” the kid said. I gulped. Then I compared the penalty for not going through with a challenge. The penalty was to let every kid spit in your face. The decision was difficult, the choices were both gross. However, I refused to be made to eat something that I didn’t want.

STANDING UP TO MY SO-CALLED FRIENDS

At that moment of recognition, I felt strong and fierce. Ok, no really I was scared to death. However, I stood and said, “I renege on the dare!” There were gasp, snickers, and whispers. I held my ground, stuck out my chest and licked my lips. “You know what that means don’t ya?” the kid with the dead fat beetle snickered.

“Yeah, and I don’t care!” I said, and swallowed as a tear ran from my eye. Man, I was so angry. The other kids bustled to stand in line in front of me. Never before in our game of Truth or Dare had someone challenged their fate. I was the first, and they relished in the chance to demean me further.

There I stood, as each kid gathered as much saliva in their mouths as possible and spit in my face. My eyes closed as I felt the thick, cool, wet globs slide from my forehead, down my nose to my lips. I held back a gag.

Finally, it was over. My best-friend, who was last in line did a fake spitting sound that held little or no power. Then she took out a tissue and wiped my face.

“Why didn’t you just do the dare?" she whispered.

“I opened my eyes and smiled at her then said, “Cause I didn’t want to eat a stupid beetle.”

GROWING FROM YOUR EXPERIENCES and USING THEM TO HELP OTHERS

When I sit down to write my novels from a teenaged perspective, I have a lot of material to pull from. I was called all sorts of names, teased, and jeered at. I wasn’t the lowest on the totem pole, but I was somewhere near the bottom middle of the middle school pecking order. Yet, through these experiences I learned something about myself. I was a survivor and I was never a follower. That is what I portray in my fiction books and that is a skill I sharpen every day. We all have a purpose and the capacity to stand up for ourselves. Never forget that.

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Website: Fiction Books: www.lmpreston.com Empowered Steps: www.empoweredsteps.com